I seem to have misplaced my rose-colored glasses

It seems odd to me that while I live in a place some would consider paradise (and at times I've considered it that as well) I still have strong lows at times.  I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends, a beautiful apartment, amazing chances at adventure, plenty to keep me busy and truly everything I should need in life. Yet, there are times when I feel so incredibly lonely and close to depressed as if I feel lower than I have ever felt in life. Don’t get me wrong, these feelings don’t last longer than a couple of weeks and in no way do I think anyone should ever feel sorry for me. But I can’t help but question why these feelings even exist when I believe I have no reason or right to feel this way. Quite frankly, it makes me angry and makes me feel incredibly selfish that I have everything I could ever need (while others don't) and yet, I still feel there's something missing.


I was talking to a good friend the other day that has lived in Asia for a number of years and she explained it to me like this, “Trish, being an expat means you are bound to have extreme highs and extreme lows. It’s a lot like a roller coaster. When you’re at the height of the climb everything seems wonderful and exciting. Then when you start to descend you realize that you’re far from home and slightly disconnected from the world you’ve known and trusted and all of the things that you find so amazing about your new home are not as exciting to most people because they are not living it with you and they rightfully find it hard to fathom what you are going through. So really, they just don’t care the way you do. And it gets lonely at that point. But then you start to slowly shift your attitude back to the positive and start enjoying the things around you again that you used to enjoy. And I’m sorry to say that you’ll go through these emotions over and over while you’re here.”

This conversation came about because I confessed that my first year in Taiwan I had magnificently discovered that I had found a pair of bright pink rose-tinted sunglasses that I proudly wore all year! I chose to see everything as beautiful and everything as an adventure. I didn’t live in a huge, smog covered, over populated, dirt stained city with constant rush-hour traffic. No! I lived in a beautiful tropical city that took pride in sweeping their worn down, black soot covered sidewalks and placing artwork and statues in random places to add beauty. I didn’t see buildings that were falling apart from neglect or torn signs built on bamboo frames that were not strong enough for the gusts of wind that bounce off the harbor side of the city. I chose not to see the stray dogs and instead saw animals that are fed with scraps of food from random street vendors and the backdoors of various restaurants as healthy dogs who belonged to the city (Some are even given collars even though they don’t have official owners). I chose to be patient with the heavy traffic and the lack of road rules. I chose to accept that culturally the traffic flows like a river and the only way to survive without an accident is to follow suite and weave in and out of lanes just as everyone else does to keep the traffic moving forward. I chose to make learning a new language an adventure and not see how incredibly hard it is to learn 4 different sounds (minimum) for the same word! And I chose to see everyone as giving and kind-hearted and not see how badly they can sometimes treat each other (most expats seem to get special attention). Mostly, what I chose not to accept is that I was an expat. That life does not happen the same way it does “back home”. That I would have to say good bye to some of the people that had showed me what it is to really be adventurous and open-minded. That I would have to watch my kids cry as they said good bye to their new found best friends who were moving back to their “homes” when the year was done. I had not fully prepared for this part of our journey so ever-so-slowly I began to misplace my rose-colored glasses.

Now that I am starting my second year as an expat and am unsure how long I will have the amazing opportunity to live in a faraway country I have to consciously look for the beauty and see the positive. I have to once again make life into an adventure and go out of my way to find new and exciting things to try (these experiences that once fell into my lap are now fewer and further in between). And slowly but surely, I’m remembering to bring the rose-colored glasses with me.



A scooter parking lot



These blue trucks are all over the city and serve multiple purposes.  They rule the road so watch out!



These bamboo structures are all over the city and are typically attached to buildings.  Plastic advertising banners are tied to the structure and holes are punched in the banners to avoid damage caused by the wind. 
**Side Note:  Some plastic banners are placed on the sides of buildings and literally cover resident windows.  Many times people will cut through the banner to expose their window. 




This is the "bing lady".  Bing translates to ice in Chinese and she makes wonderful "chocolee bings" or chocolate shakes.  It took me 6 months to get a smile from her.  I accomplished that by slipping on the wet floor in front of her shop and literally skating on my flip flops for 3 feet into her arms.  We had a nice laugh.  Apparently, laughter is a universal language.